


Love Can Save Us: Bonds

by xxDeja_Uchihaxx



Series: Love Can Save Us [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Artist Eren Yeager, Author Levi, Completely obsessed with anime, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Love, M/M, Married Couple, Smut, They are still otakus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:10:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5966974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxDeja_Uchihaxx/pseuds/xxDeja_Uchihaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“There’s been an accident…” I swallowed hard, worry immediately starting to run through my veins. </p><p>What will happen when an unforeseen accident tests the bonds that hold everyone together? Will Eren and Levi be able to cope with the pressure, or will everything fall apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Finally started it back up! Comments please!

“Levi.” I felt Eren shift against my side as I was pulled out of sleep. I looked around the bedroom, glowing blue from his night light that went wherever we did. It’d been months since we moved in. Five months to be exact. 5 months since Eren became my husband. “Levi.” I felt my eyes open up a little further and I finally focused on Eren. He was climbing over me now, reaching for my phone on the nightstand.

“Mhmm. Sorry.” I groaned and rubbed at my eyes. What the fuck? Who calls at 3AM anyways?

“Hello?” Eren rolled over me and set up on the side of the bed. I stretched and sat beside him, wrapping my arm around his waist. He was rubbing at his own eyes, yawning as he listened to the person on the other line.

“Hanji? What do you mean?” Eren looked at me with a worried expression. I could hear her rambling on the line and I just grabbed the phone from his hand and put it on speaker.

“Oi, shitty glasses. Focus. I’m halfway coherent now. And you DO realize it’s three in the fucking morning, right?”

“I’m sorry! I know there is a huge time difference there, but this is really important!” I felt my chest tighten, a small bit of anxiety starting to course through me. Eren was already reaching for my hand, worried expression turning into one of near panic. I took his hand in mine and rubbed my thumb over his fingers, trying to put his worries aside.

“Just spit it out four eyes!"

“Are you sitting down?” I furrowed my brow in frustration. She was one of my best friends but I wanted to strangle her sometimes.

“WE JUST WOKE UP. WHAT DO YOU THINK?!”

“Sorry! Sorry!” I heard her sniffle. Her voice sounded a little strained to begin with, but I had just assumed she was tired. Something seemed off though. I frowned as I looked at the screen of my phone, time ticking as I waited for her to speak again. I heard a voice in the background and immediately recognized Erwin’s voice. She had pulled the phone away from her face and I heard her saying something and then I froze. Hanji was crying. Eren bit his lip and I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

I heard the rustling of fabric and I felt my fingers start to shake. What was going on?

“Hanji?! What the fuck is going on?!” Eren shuttered at the tone of voice I used, but I uttered an apology as I listened for a reply.

“Levi.” I swallowed hard as I heard Erwin’s voice come over the phone. “I need you to listen to me and stay calm. Got it?” My pulse was starting to speed up, dread pulsing through me.

“O-Okay.”

“Is Eren with you?” I looked over at Eren and he gave me a soft smile, trying to support me in some way.

“Yeah. You’re on speaker.” Eren’s hand tightened around my own as we both stared at the phone, making the room glow a little more.

“There’s been an accident…” I swallowed hard, worry immediately starting to run through my veins.

“W-What-“

“Isabel and Farlan were in a car wreck this evening.” I felt my eyes sting. Something was VERY VERY wrong. I felt Eren’s fingers begin to tremble and I sat the phone down on the table and took him into my arms. Sure I was concerned about the situation at hand, but I was also concerned about my husband. He hadn’t had a panic attack in a while, but I knew how bad they were for him. How he had trouble even taking a steady breath.

“Shhhh…It’s alright.” I started running my fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him.

“Levi…” I felt my own chest clench.

“Yeah?”

“They ugh…” I heard someone sobbing in the background. Fuck. This wasn’t happening. This. Wasn’t. Happening. “They both died in the car crash, Levi.” Eren gasped. I felt his arms tighten around me. This wasn’t real. The next time we got a skype call, Izzy would be there calling out my name. Smiling and showing off baby Lilly. “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this.” Erwin’s voice was fading away. I looked down and Eren was starting to shake. He was crying. Clenching onto my shirt. My eyes were stinging, filling up with tears. I hadn’t felt this way since I’d lost Nana. Since my world was ripped apart.

Eren gasped against, choking on his tears. He was shutting down, clutching on tight to me with all he had. I tried to pull him closer, but it was no use. There was no protecting him from this. I heard an echoing. A faint calling of my name and I looked back to my glowing screen. Erwin was still on the line.

“Levi. Levi, you have to listen to me.” I froze and looked to the phone. I wiped at my eyes and sniffled, trying to focus on what he was saying. “You have to come home. Both of you.” Eren was having a hard time breathing and I was trying to do everything I could, but my own body was almost frozen.

“B-But…” For the funeral. Travel halfway across the world for a fucking funeral.

“You have to, Levi. Here’s the situation.” I tried to press a kiss into Eren’s hair, but all I successfully ended up doing was soaking the section with my tears. “Lilly wasn’t in the car, thankfully.” Lilly. Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Lilly was an orphan now. Left without both of her parents. A sob ripped through me and I felt by breath stop. Eren just clung to me, breaths coming in short gasps. “She’s at her grandparents’ house now, but they will only keep her until you get here.” What? Why? Thoughts starting rushing through me. Their parents were assholes. Completely unsupportive of the pregnancy in the first place.

“You two officially have custody Levi. You are her godparents.” I heard Eren stop breathing. Literally stop breathing. I needed to help him. Needed to comfort him. Needed to think. FUCK.

“I….Let me call you back.” I hung up and tossed the phone aside, not caring where it landed.

“Le-LEVI!” Eren cried out my name. It broke my heart. I couldn’t stop my own tears, but I had to try my best to calm him. Had to get him to breathe. I lifted his head up and gently and led it down to my shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face against his own shoulder. At least his lungs would get more air flow this way.

“Shhh…I know. I know.” I kept running my fingers through his hair, pressing kisses to the side of his neck. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.” My own voice sounded rough, but I had to stay strong right now. I had to be here for Eren. Had to get him through this panic attack. He was sucking in sharp breaths and I tried to rub small circles onto his shoulder.

“Deep breath, love.” He shuddered and attempted a breath, but he let out another sob instead. I knew he was overwhelmed, and his brain was thinking in overdrive. “In.” He took an unsteady breath, but tried to hold it for a few seconds. “Out.” He breathed out successfully, though it was a little shaky. “Come on. One more time.” I kept combing my fingers through his hair, doing anything I possibly could to comfort him. Another shaky breath that was followed by more tears, but he was slowly regaining his breath. “Keep going.”

After a few minutes, his breaths were finally calmer. I could feel his tears soaking through my shirt though. I knew my own were running down his shoulder, dripping onto his chest.

“What are we gonna do?” He breathed it against my shoulder, voice sounding defeated and weak. I pulled back a little and wiped my own tears, before I looked into his eyes. Even in the blue lighting, I could tell his eyes were tired and red. I could see the blotches on his cheek and it tore me apart, but not nearly as much as the tears continuing to run down his cheeks.

“We’re gonna get through this, babe.” His face screwed up and he shook his head in disbelief as more tears started to flow. “Easy, easy, easy. Calm down.” The last thing I wanted was for him to panic again. I had no clue what we were going to do, but I’d be damned if I didn’t do my best in raising Lilly. I had no clue how to even deal with a child, let alone a baby, but somehow we would manage.

We sat there for a while, holding each other and trying to wipe away the tears to no avail. Eventually they just dried out, both of our faces red from crying. I finally stood up and turned on the light so we could come up with a plan. Eren looked exhausted. He had a late class last night, and he was already worn out from that and homework. We had paintings all across the living room and the bedroom, drying on every available surface.

I kept hearing my phone vibrate on the floor, no doubt blowing up with text messages from everyone. Eren sat on the bed and watched me as I picked it up and tossed it back on the nightstand. I wasn’t ready to deal with that. He pulled his captain plushie to his chest and took in a shaky breath. I climbed back onto the bed and held my arms out, letting him lay in between my legs. He buried his face against my chest and I calmly ran my hands through his hair. He’d kept the blue in his bangs and I still loved it just as much. His hair was longer now, he only let me trim away the dead ends every now and again.

He was still stunning as ever. Beautifully tanned skin and those perfect turquoise eyes that I loved. The best part is that he was finally learning to love his body. He was far from walking around in public without a shirt on, but he was more than comfortable doing it in front of me.

“I guess we need to book a flight…” He nodded silently and let out a sigh. I pulled out my tablet from the nightstand drawer and started flipping through web sites, brain running completely on auto pilot. I booked our tickets, finding some last minute tickets for 8AM. FUCK. It was nearly 4 now. I groaned and pressed a few more kisses to his forehead, before urging him to get up. “We have to pack babe. Our flight leaves in 4 hours.” He nodded and drug himself out of bed. I grabbed our suitcase from the closet and began packing it with the essentials. I wasn’t sure how long to pack for, so I just stuffed it as full as I could. We could always buy other things if we needed it. Eren started packing the carryon as I finished stuffing our clothes into the bag.

I let him set down and rest for a while as I dug out the cat carrier and carefully packed up Kirara. He was dozing off when I came back from putting all of the bags by the door. I gently shook him and he groaned as he took my hand and followed me to the door.

We made it to the airport in time, and before we knew it, we were on our way back home. I looked over to Eren who was looking out the window, a frown etched onto his face. But…we didn’t have a home. We’d sold the apartment. Erwin’s house was packed. He only had two bedrooms, but Armin and Mikasa were both living there. I sighed and rubbed my face, effectively smearing my eyeliner. Fuck.

“Tch.” Eren looked over at me and frowned. He looked absolutely exhausted, circles beginning to form under his eyes. I knew he was stressing out, just like I was. Not only was he dealing with the grief, he was dealing with the what if’s. He would be thrown behind in classes and I would be with work also. But we had to go. It wasn’t even negotiable. Eren reach over and laced our fingers together, his ring shining in the light of the airplane. His touch was warm, reassuring. I needed it. Absolutely needed it. I felt like breaking down again, but I couldn’t. I had to be strong for Eren. I gave his hand a pat and he gave me a small smile. He reach over to fix my eyeliner and placed a kiss on my cheek when he was done.

Eren had his bandana headband on. It was grey today and I adjusted it a little. He looked amazing as always, just worn out. Finals were already wearing him out, not to mention the added stress.

“I emailed my professors before we left.” I nodded and listen to him talk. “Hopefully they will give me an extension.”

“I don’t see why they shouldn’t. You work so hard.” He gave me another little smile and I dug out our little throw blanket and threw it over us, before pulling him up against me. “Try to get a little rest. I’m right here.” He nodded and shut his eyes, resting his head against my shoulder.

 

The flight was long and boring. Not to mention filled with stressful and anxious thoughts. We just had to take it step by step. Together we could get through this. Erwin and Hanji picked us up from the airport. It was nothing short of a tearful reunion, though the reasons were extremely unfortunate. We climbed into the back and rode to Erwin’s house.

“What’s going to happen to Anteiku?” Eren asked with a frown as we all settled down in the living room.

“We aren’t quite sure.” Erwin shook his head. He looked tired himself, probably worn out from all the tasks he was currently juggling. “Armin and Mikasa are there now, actually. They are cleaning up the place, since it will be closed for a few days.” I nodded and Eren frowned, looking at the floor.

“I…I don’t want it to be shut down!” I looked over at him. His lip was quivering and his eyes were filling with tears.

“Hey now…” I pulled him into my arms and buried a kiss in his hair. “Relax. We can worry about that later on, alright?” He reach for my hand and I gladly gave it to him. He knew he could lean on me, just like I could lean on him. It calmed his sea of emotions for a little while at least.

Armin and Mikasa walked into the house a little while later. They both ran over to us with tears in their eyes.

“I MISSED YOU!!!” Armin buried his face into Eren’s shoulder and Eren hugged him as hard as he could. “Though…I’m so sorry…I….” Armin rubbed at his eyes and pulled away. “They were good people. Isabel and Farlan made us all feel like a family!” Tears started dripping down Armin’s cheeks and I watched as Erwin frowned and pulled him into his lap. He tried to wipe his tears away, to no avail. Mikasa sat next to Eren and he hugged her tightly, letting her tears drip onto his jacket. Eren was leaning on me, face pressed against my shoulder. He started crying again, completely torn from the sadness surrounding us.

“LEVI!!!!” Hanji burrowed into my other side and I pulled them both close. This was our family. We may not all be related by blood, but our bonds were stronger than any. Though I hated seeing them all grieving like this, it was nice to be together again. Surrounded by loved ones.

After a while, the doorbell rang. Erwin went to answer it, setting Armin gently in the chair. His face was red and he tried to hide it behind a throw pillow.

“Are they here yet?” I recognized the voice as Jean’s. Eren lifted his face up from my shoulder to look towards the door. Jean and Marco walked in, holding a tray of food. “We, ugh…” Jean looked at the floor as he fiddled with the plastic on the tray. “We weren’t really sure what to bring, so Marco suggested a sandwich tray…” I saw Marco rub Jean’s shoulder gently and Erwin took the tray from his hands.

“Thanks. It won’t go to waste.” They kicked off their shoes and made their way over to us. We exchanged hugs and greetings, just like a normal family. Mikasa stood up so she could go sit with Armin and Jean sat next to Eren, gently patting his hand as they tried to carry on a normal conversation. I heard Erwin making noise in the kitchen and I stood, placing a kiss on Eren’s forehead, before walking in to help.

“You don’t have to do anything, I’m just making coffee.” I shrugged and leaned against the counter.

“Erwin…I’d like to talk to you…” I looked towards the living room and frowned. I know it’s hard right now, but I’d rather it be in private. He nodded and watched as the coffee dripped into the maker.

“Sure. Maybe we can go out and pick up pizza for everyone in a little while.”

“That sounds good.” I heard a cough from the living room, followed by a little gasp. “Fuck.” I ran in and Eren was crying against Jean’s shoulder. Eren was fragile, he didn’t handle loss very well at all. Especially… I felt my own tears well up, but I pushed them away.

“Shhh. Shhh…. It’s alright.” I wrapped my arms around him from behind the couch and he leaned into my touch. “Deep breaths.” He calmed down a bit and took a few breaths that I was finally satisfied with. After his tears stopped, I tugged him to the bathroom and wiped at his face with a damp washcloth.

“Will you be alright if I go out with Erwin to get dinner for everyone? I sort of need to talk to him.” Eren gave my hand a squeeze and nodded.

“Yeah. I’ll be alright. I may try to rest a little more. I didn’t sleep that great on the plane.” I frowned and pressed a kiss to his lips.

We walked back into the living room and watched as everyone, with the exception of Armin, drank coffee. “Is it alright if I lay down for a while, Armin? I’m pretty jet lagged.”

“Sure. You can rest in our room.” Armin got up and led us to their bedroom. Eren laid down on the bed and I pulled the covers up over him. Armin surprised me a little by climbing in next to him, but I had no problem with it. They were best friends, after all.

“I’ll be back in just a little while.” I slipped his bandana off and set it down on the table, before I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll have my phone with me if you need me, okay?”

“Alright.” I gave him a hug and another quick kiss. “I love you.” I smiled at him and stood up.

“I love you too, babe. Get some rest, okay?” He nodded and settle down, curling up with Armin. I shut the door behind be with a sigh and walked into the living room.

“I ordered the pizzas.” I grabbed my jacket and slipped on my shoes, following Erwin to the door. “We’ll be back in a little while. Mikasa, don’t let Hanji burn down the house.” Erwin said it with a smile and Mikasa laughed a little at that. The four of them were chatting about something and I was comfortable leaving the house now that Eren was resting. I was tired myself, but I could rest later.

We climbed into Erwin’s truck and I clicked my seatbelt into place.

“So, what did you need to talk about?” We pulled out of the driveway and I rolled down my window so I could watch the city as we drove around. It was Spring now. Trees were budding and flowers were blooming. I was happy to have missed the nasty weather at least.

“Have you talked to Isabel’s grandparent’s today?”

“No, not yet. They actually live an hour or so out of town. I dropped Lilly off as soon as we found out.” I nodded and watched buildings zoom by as we moved through the city.

“I’m just nervous I guess…” I looked over to Erwin and he gave me a knowing smile. “And I didn’t want to upset Eren any more.”

“Anyone would be, considering the circumstances.” I sighed and started playing with the band on my finger.

“I’m worried about Eren, too. He’s really stressed. It’s wearing on him. He’s had some pretty bad panic attacks.” I ran my fingers through my own hair nervously.

“Everything will work out, Levi. Just rely on each other. You two are strong together.”

“I know…” We picked up the pizzas and started our short journey back.

 

“Have all the arangements been made?” Erwin frowned and shook his head.

“Not yet. I guess their families kind of wanted to get together at the funeral home and discuss it tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was terrified of meeting their families. Scared that I would immediately be judged as a bad caretaker for Lilly.

“Like I said, it will all work out, Levi. Just try and keep your head up.” We pulled into the driveway and I helped him carry in the pizzas. I didn’t bother waking up Eren or Armin. They needed to rest all they could. I set aside some pizza for them, while I chatted with everyone else. I caught up on the recent news around town and as the clock ticked on, I felt myself getting drowsy. Eren and Armin woke up a few hours later, and Armin insisted on taking us out to view the unchanged city to try and lift everyone’s mood. We hadn’t really been gone that long.

“Levi.” I turned to look at Eren and he was frowning. “Are you alright?”

“Just a little tired. I’ll be fine.” I was more than a little tired, actually. I had only gotten a couple hours of sleep the night we got the phone call, and sleep on the plane was just a useless idea. We had spent over 24 hours flying and changing planes, alone. Coffee wasn’t even helping at this point. He wove our fingers together and we watched as Armin pointed out things that had changed since we left. I felt my head spin a little and Eren placed his hand on my forehead.

“Levi. Levi!!” The car was spinning and I watched as everything went black.

 

 

I woke up in Eren’s arms. He was carrying me inside Erwin’s house and I winced as my head started pounding.

“Wha-“

“You passed out because you’re so exhausted.” I looked up to Eren. He was frowning as he carried me through the house. “You made me worry.” He placed me down on Erwin’s bed and climbed in beside me.

“But-“

“No.” He snapped at me as I tried to set up. “You have to sleep. I’m not letting you out of this bed.” I sighed in defeat and laid back down, letting Eren pull me against him. He was right. I was drained. Emotionally and physically. I gave in and pressed my head against his chest. I just needed to be near him. Needed to hear his heartbeat. Needed to fill his warmth. I felt my eyes drift closed again, as I listened to the faint _thrum thrum thrum_ of Eren’s heartbeat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Lacking a bit of motivation lately!  
> Enjoy!

_It was raining, pouring actually. I was galloping ahead on my horse, shouting something towards my group._

“ _Go on Aniki! We will be fine!” Her smile still shone bright, even in the pouring rain. The sky grey from the storm. I led my horse through the fog, trying to catch up with Erwin. I had to do this! Had to secure our citizenship above ground. I ran until something caught my eye. The whole group on the right flank had been slaughtered. There was a titan heading straight for Farlan and Isabel! I was pushing my horse so hard that it slipped in the mud and threw me off, but I continued to run._

“ _LEVI!” I watched as Isabel’s head landed in front of me. NO. NO NO NO! “_

_FARLAN!” He was screaming and before I could launch myself forward, he was gone. Bitten in half, just like that. The only family I had. NO. I flew into the air and attacked the beast in front of me. I was screaming, crying. The loss was too great to handle. It was my fault. ALL MY FAULT! If I hadn’t left them! I cut into it’s skin, slicing every muscle to shreds. Torturing it, like it had tortured my friends. It fell to the ground, steaming from all the damage I’d done. Erwin stood in front of me, a sad look on his face._

“ _Don’t despise me, Levi. It’s them. The titans! They are the reasons your friends are dead!”_

 

“NO!” I bolted up straight and Eren jumped, arms wrapping around me. I was sweating, tears making their way down my face.

“Levi. Shhh. It's okay.” I could barely breathe. It's like they were just there in front of me. Isabel's eyes were so vibrant as usual, and in the blink of an eye, they were gone. We sat there for a while, Eren's arms securely wrapped around me. Neither of us spoke, aside from calming shushes and soothing humming coming from him. He was my rock. My anchor. I needed him more than ever now.

He titled his forehead against mine and reach his hand up to my cheek, fingers gently wiping away my tears.

“I love you E-Eren.” My voice cracked.

“I love you too. Everything is going to turn out okay.” He smiled warmly at me and I nodded. I didn't really like anyone to see me cry. It showed my weakness. My inner battle with myself. Eren was the only one I could truly open up to like this. I felt more comfortable crying around our friends than complete strangers, but I still disliked it.

Sun was shining into the bedroom. I could tell it was early still, but we had an agonizingly long day ahead of us. We crawled out of bed and threw on some clothes. Eren had my Trost hoodie on, which was appropriate atire for the season. Though it was spring, there was still a chill in the air.

I threw on my jacket and we quietly crept out of the room and tiptoed through the living room. It was like a sleepover gone bad. Hanji was passed out in a pile of pillows, and Marco was sandwiched in between her and Jean. Armin and Erwin were snuggled up together on the couch, snoring away. Mikasa had passed out in the arm chair at some point. We made it into the kitchen and I started a pot of coffee. God knows we would all need it.

I watched as Eren quietly slid the glass door open. I followed him out onto the porch, waiting patiently for the coffee maker to finish it's job. My heart was torn. My emotions being pulled between wanting to hold Eren and being selfish and having him hold me. My nerves were pretty much shot, the nightmare not helping at all.

While lost in my thoughts, gentle arms wrapped around my waist and walked me a little closer to the banister. We were looking out over Erwin's backyard that ended in the treeline for the local forest. I felt my lip quiver, but Eren settled me down as he rest his chin on my shoulder, nuzzling my neck every now and again.

He started humming at first, the vibrations from his chest tickling my back. Then that sweet voice came out. The one I adored. He started singing there, just for me.

 _We were drawn from the weeds_  
We were brave like soldiers  
Falling down under the pale moonlight 

I felt my heart ache again. This song. It was one of my favorites. I held on to his hands as they tightened around my waist.

_You were holding to me_  
Like a someone broken  
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart  
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down_

 

I felt my tears break loose again. I was so fucking tired of crying. They were our family. Our best friends. The glue that held everyone together. Anteiku was always where we would meet. Always a fond part of our memories. 

_Fall on me_  
Tell me everything you want me to be  
Forever with you forever in me  
Ever the same 

 

I could see her vibrant green eyes. That perky red hair. I closed my eyes, trying to will away the tears and it only brought memories flooding back.

 

 _We would stand in the wind  
We were free like water  
Flowing down  
Under the warmth of the sun  
Now it's cold and we're scared  
And we've both been shaken_  
 _Hey, look at us_  
Man, this doesn't need to be the end 

 

Eren's voice was a comfort, but I still had those memories flashing before my eyes. Not only from the present times, but from the past as well. The nightmares that we had faced together. The filth from the underground. 

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart_  
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down  


I could picture Farlan just as he was. Blonde hair and bright blue eyes, always trying to keep the flaming red head under control. It was definitely a hard job. 

_Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be_  
Forever with you  
Forever in me  
Ever the same  
Call on me  
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me  
Forever it's you  
Forever in me  
Ever the same  


I gave in and turned around, my arms wrapping around Eren's neck as he pulled me close. Tears were leaking down his own cheeks, but he kept singing softly. He was bent down at an odd angle, but he didn't seem to mind. He was considerably taller than me now. Did that brat even stop growing?

_You may need me there_  
To carry all your weight  
But you're no burden I assure  
You tide me over  
With a warmth I'll not forget  
But I can only give you love 

_I sobbed. Fucking sobbed and_ pressed my face against his collar bone. Not only did their deaths bring a painful amount of grief, but they also brought fear. They were young and happy, blessed with a beautiful little girl. What if something happened to Eren? What if we couldn't care for Lilly properly. 

“Breathe.” My eyes fluttered open and I looked up into those brilliant aqua eyes. “Remember what you tell me. Deep breath.” I nodded and steadied my breathing, gently being persuaded my a soft caress of my back.

“Don't want to lose you. I can't lose you, Eren!” I gripped his shirt and felt my knees going weak. What little sleep I did get was riddled with nightmares. I was exhausted, and it was starting to wear me down. We slowly sunk to our knees and he pulled me even closer, arms squeezing me tight.

“I'm not going anywhere, Levi. And neither are you.” I nodded, choosing to believe in those reassuring words. 

“What if I don't make a good Dad?” I whispered it almost and he pulled back to look at me with a small smile. He used the corner of his hoodie to wipe away my tears and I felt my face burning. It was red from all the tears. 

“I highly doubt that Levi. Just by the way you care for me, I can tell you will be a wonderful Dad. Neither of us are perfect, but if we just try our best then Lilly will grow up just fine.” I nodded and buried my face against his chest again. When would that fucking coffee be done anyway?

 

 

I was nervous. Basically shitting my pants nervous. Judging by the way Eren was gripping onto my hand, he was also. We were all gathering together in the funeral home, making the popper arrangements. 

A woman with strawberry blonde hair walked in, hair streaked with fine greys. A man had his arm around her shoulders as she continuously wiped her face with a tissue. I felt a lump in my throat and I swallowed hard. These has to be Izzy's parents. She looked just like her. I took a shaky step forward and acknowledged them.

“I'm sorry for your loss. Isabel was an amazing person.” She didn't reply, only started crying harder and a pang of guilt swept through me. Eren rubbed my back reassuringly and her father thanked us quietly. 

“I'll take care of the cost of everything, so feel free to decide on whatever kind of arrangements you would like.” His mouth dropped open and if possible, his wife started crying even more.

“You don't have to do that-”

“I insist. We are more than set in life and they were both our friends. It's the least I can do.” With a plethora of thank yous, we repeated the process with Farlan's side of the family. Then we saw them, Isabel's grandparents. Erwin walked them into the room and we all sat down and started making the necessary arrangements. I didn't really voice my opinion often, just when something about the issue of cost came up. I got them the very best. The best headstones, the best arrangements. Anything I could do to help. 

The funeral would be in two days. Another grueling two days. It was hard watching their families. I could imagine what they were going through. I leaned my head against Eren's shoulder as the room began to clear out and he buried a kiss in my hair, hand gently patting my own. 

“You must be the Ackermans.” I looked up to see Isabel's grandparents standing in front of us. They looked tired, even more than me, if that was possible. “Erwin told us that you had arrived. So, when will you be taking Lilly?” Right to the point. I frowned and turned my head into Eren's shoulder. I was too tired to deal with their shit. 

“Give us a few days. We are staying at Erwin's house right now and we are trying to plan things out.”

“I would appreciate it if you came and got her by Sunday. We are leaving for Manhattan that day and can't take her with us.” Of fucking course you are. Assholes. Don't even care about your own grand daughter. 

“We should have everything worked out by then.” Thank God for Eren. He was doing 100% of the talking, because I was completely done with today. 

“We'll keep in touch.” Sure you will. Fuck. It's not like I didn't want to be with Lilly right this second, but my emotions were churning. Flipping between anger, sadness, nervousness and grief. 

“Levi...” I looked up to see Eren frowning. He was softly stroking my cheek and I nodded, getting to my feet. He took my hand in his and we followed Erwin out to the car. We had a house full of people waiting for us and I really wasn't up to it. 

We walked into the house and Everyone was awake, sipping on coffee and munching on the sandwich platter Marco had bought. 

“You should eat.” Erwin gave us both a pat on the back and we walked into the kitchen to make a plate. I wasn't hungry, didn't even have the energy to chew really. I stared at the platter and felt my stomach knot up. Eren's hand on my lower back broke me from my staring contest with the meat tray. 

“Not that hungry...” He frowned at me and pulled me up against his side.

“Just try and eat a little something. Look, there is turkey. You like turkey.” I gave in and allowed him to make me a sandwich, but I did little more than nibble at it as we talked with our friends. Eren ate two sandwiches, and he gave me a worried look after he eyed my own plate. I tried my best. I ended up eating a little more, though it wasn't nearly a quarter of the sandwich. 

My phone starting ringing and I looked at the called ID. Kenny. I swallowed hard and looked at Eren, before standing up and wandering back out onto the porch. Eren followed me and shut the glass door behind him. 

“Hey.”

“Hey brat. I heard you were in town.” Eren took my hand in his again, the fingers of his opposite hand sliding through my hair. 

“Yeah. Isabel and Farlan...They...” I bit my lip and sighed.

“Erwin told me what happened. I'm really sorry Levi. I only met them at the wedding, but they seemed like good people.”

“They were. Thanks.” I felt Eren's lips brushing against my hair again and I was grateful. I welcomed any ounce of affection he had to give. 

“I bet it's a mad house at Erwin's, huh? Everyone seems to gather there.” I looked back over my shoulder at the group of people gathered in the living room. There were even people sitting on the floor, it was so crowded. 

“Yeah. Pretty much.” I watched as a couple of birds landed on the tree in Erwin's yard. 

“Why don't you come by? It'd be a nice little break for you. We can catch up a bit.”

“We don't have a car...”

“I'll swing by and pick you up. I think I'm familiar with where he lives. You mentioned it before.”

“Thanks, Kenny. We really appreciate it. A break does sound nice. See you in a little bit.” I hung up the phone and Eren offered me a warm smile. He pulled me close and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. Just warm and caring, not needy at all. He was all about comfort right now and showing me how much he cared. 

“Kenny is coming to pick us up in a while.” 

“Sounds good.” With that we walked back inside to chat with the others a bit longer and wait for him to show. A break truly did sound wonderful. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been MIA lately. I guess I'll call it a mini-hiatus.  
> I've just been dealing with a lot of things lately and my depression has me pretty down.   
> On a positive note though, I've been working on my first novel! Woo. So please, please, please excuse the late chapters.   
> I'm so very sorry and I will try to have them out a little more frequently!
> 
> ALSO Sorry for the short chapter. I just wanted to post something for you guys!

“Such a shame that happened.” Kenny said as he unlocked the door to Nana's house and let us inside. We sat down in the living room on the familiar furniture. He hadn't changed much. “But look at it this way, you'll be able to raise a little brat of your own now. She needs you both.”

 

“I'm terrified. I don't know anything about kids.” Eren wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me close. “And I'll be damned if I'm asking my mother for help.” I began fiddling with a loose thread on my sleeve and Eren pressed a kiss to my cheek.

 

“We'll figure it out, Levi. We just have to work together.” Sure that was true with most things, but with raising a child? Kenny leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment.

 

“I've got an offer for you. Why don't you guys move back here? You can stay with me. I know about kids, seeing as I was around you from the time you were born.” My eyes went wide and I gave Eren's hand a squeeze.

 

“We couldn't possibly ask that, Kenny.” Kenny smiled and stood from his chair, before he plopped down next to me.

 

“Levi, you and Eren are family. And now Lilly will be part of our family too. I have to look out for you guys.” I felt my eyes stinging again. This whole situation was fucked up. “Believe it or not, I do love you guys.” He pulled me into a hug and I just lost it. I was more than a little terrified. I was petrified. What if I fucked up? What if I did something to hurt Lilly? My head was pounding. I don't ever remember crying this much. I felt Eren run his fingers over mine beside of me and he sighed lightly.

 

Kenny released me back into my husbands arms and he didn't hesitate to pull me onto his lap. He tilted his forehead against mine and hugged me close.

 

“Levi, you need to drink some water. You're dehydrated, just look at your hands.” I glanced down at my fingers and they were pruned up. I wasn't surprised.

 

“I'll go grab a few bottles.” Kenny said quietly. I let my head fall onto Eren's shoulder with a groan.

 

“It's going to be okay, babe. We've gotten past so many obstacles and we can get past this. I know we can.”

 

“I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to stay strong, but I'm just...I'm so scared, Eren.” Eren frowned and me and began running his fingers through my hair.

 

“Who says you have to stay strong? We just have to do our best and stick together. We will get through this. You are going to be an amazing father, Levi.” I offered Eren a small smile and tucked my head back against his shoulder. After a few seconds, he was urging me to down some water. I quickly drained half of the bottle and set it aside.

 

My head was spinning. I didn't want to think anymore. Didn't want to- I grabbed Eren hoodie and squeezed the fabric between my fingers.

 

“Levi?” I choked on my breath and tried to stall my tears. I was done crying. Absolutly done.

 

“Bathroom. P-Please.” Eren walked with me to the bathroom and he shut the door behind us. I slid down the door to the floor and pulled my knees up to our chest. “I'm fucking losing it. I feel so...broken.” Eren fell to his knees next to me and took my hands in his.

 

“I know it's hard, but-”

“Eren.” I shut my eyes and shook my head. “I've...I've not been thinking right. I'm so fucking weak. I just...” I didn't want to say the words. Didn't even want to mutter the words to my loving husband.

 

“Babe, are you-”

 

“My fucking thoughts are spinning. I just want to take the easy way out, and I know it's bullshit, but my brain won't shut the fuck up. It won't stop! It just-” I yanked on my hair and nearly screamed. “I'm so weak...”

 

“You aren't weak!” Eren nearly screamed it and yanked me to his chest. “You are the strongest person I know, Levi. You're so strong...” He kept combing his fingers through my hair and I desperately clung to him, listening to his quickened breathing. “We both know what depression can do to our thoughts, but you have to fight. I'm here. Talk to me.”

 

“I don't think I'll be a good dad!” I screamed it and buried my face in his chest. “I'm so terrified to bury our friends, Eren. That means its over. It's fucking over for them. Every time I look at Lilly, I'll see Isabel. I'll see Farlan. I can't do this! I can't....” I shook my head back and forth and Eren buried kisses in my hair, trying to soothe me.

 

“Levi, you won't be doing this alone. I won't leave your side. Kenny will help us. Everyone will. Mikasa, Armin, Hanji. Hell, I bet Erwin will even help out. Think of all the friends we can rely on. They are our family, Levi. Remember that.” I took a deep breath and let out a chuckle.

 

“Fuck, Eren. Can you immagine what would happen if Hanji got ahold of our-” I paused and wiped at my eyes to look up into vibrant green. Eren smiled at me and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

 

“Say it babe.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and a tear slid down my cheek.

 

“Our little girl.” Eren beamed at me and just like that, most of my fear melted away. Only in his smile could I find comfort. “Fuck.” I hugged him tight and he squeezed me right back. “I'm so glad I have you.” Eren carefully helped me to my feet and he washed my face off with a damp washcloth, before we joined Kenny in the living room.

 

I kept sipping my water while Kenny and Eren had coffee. The room was warm. Kenny had the fireplace going today, since the weather outside was rainy and cold now. I yawned and snuggled closer to Eren. He gave my thigh a pat and made me down some more water. I was so tired, but I felt like I was home. Back at Nana's with the same crackling fireplace and comfortable furniture. The same smells. I leaned my head against Eren's shoulder and felt myself slip away. It wouldn't hurt just for a little while.

 

 

 

 

“Levi.” I opened my eyes and looked up at my beautiful brunette. He was smiling warmly at my as he stroked my cheek. My head was in his lap and I'd been covered up with a big warm blanket, one my Nana had made. I smiled up at Eren and he leaned down to kiss my forehead. “Do you want to stay here tonight, or go back to Erwin's?” I frowned and pressed my face into his stomach with a groan. I just didn't want to deal with everyone right now. I loved them dearly but I just needed a break.

 

“You are more than welcome to stay here, guys. Your old bed is still upstairs.” I furrowed my brow and glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was pretty late. 9:30. The sun had already set.

 

“You let me sleep all day?” Eren nodded and edged my bangs away from my eyes.

“You were so tired. I couldn't bring myself to wake you.” I shook my head in defeat.

 

“In all honesty, I feel like I could sleep ten more hours and be fine.” Eren gave my shoulder a tap and I sat up.

 

“Then let's sleep. Come on.” He took my hand and led me up the stairs. I took over and opened up the door to my bedroom. Old paintings still hung on the wall and even leaned up against the baseboards. I smiled as I looked around. Kenny hadn't changed a thing. I frowned, however, at the one thing I would have been fine with him changing. My old bed. It was on the verge of falling apart. The old antique frame would squeak when you sat on it and the headboard thumped against the wall. Not to mention it was only a twin size.

 

I heard the door click shut and Eren stepped up next to me. He slipped off his jeans and t-shirt, before falling into the tiny bed. The bed groaned as if it were on death's door and Eren laughed.

 

“Come on, Levi! I'll catch you!” Eren held open his arms and I rolled my eyes, before shedding my own jeans and jumping into bed. He pulled me close and covered us up with my old green comforter. I placed my head on his chest and listened to the gentle beating of his heart. Eren was my everything. My safe place.

 

“Eren. You know I love you, right?” He hummed in approval and stretched out a little. We were nearly on top of each other in the tiny ass bed, but he didn't seem to mind.

 

“I love you too, Levi. That's why I'm going to make a promise to you.” I looked over at my husband, stroking my shoulder gently. “I promise that I will do everything in my power to make you happy. You and Lilly both.” He captured my lips in a kiss. It was far from heated, but it was deep and caring. Reassuring. Everything I needed. I snuggled closer and closed my eyes. Eren was humming something soft. Soothing. I felt myself slipping into darkness again and I let my dreams claim me.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a slow process, but I'm gradually getting back into the swing of things! Thanks for being patient with me!
> 
> ****Also, I don't know jack squat about babies. Feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong. I'm pretty much researching everything about babies on google as I go.

Today was the day. The day to say goodbye. The funeral was in 3 hours and I was throwing clothes on the couch in handfuls, trying to find my black button up. My chest was tight, heart straining to keep my tears back. I sucked in a trembling breath, trying to calm myself.

“Babe.” I nearly jumped out of my skin as Eren's fingertips brushed over my bare shoulder.

“S-Sorry...I...I just..” I was tossing things left and right. Triple checking to find the misplaced shirt. I was frantic. We had so much to do today. So many people to talk to. So-

“Levi.” Eren grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. “Calm down. It's just a shirt. I have your black long sleeve in my bag.”

“But it's not-” Eren shook his head and slid his hand down to weave our fingers together.

“Babe, no one will ever look back on this day to remember what you were wearing. Come on.” He tugged me away from the mess and towards Erwin's bedroom. He put his own bag up on the bed and rummaged through it, finding my plain black long sleeve. “Besides...” He handed to to me with a small smile. “You really think Izzy and Farlan would want us all looking like businessmen at their funeral?” I looked at the shirt in my hands and nodded. Eren was right. He took off his t-shirt and dug through the bag to pull on his turquoise polo. My fingers trembled on the cotton material in my hands.

“Do you...” I couldn't find the words to say, so I just handed the shirt back to my husband with a questioning look in my eyes. He gave me another warm smile and pulled out a neatly folded forest green button up. I nodded and he slipped it over my shoulders. “What if people get pissed?” He pushed the collar back from my neck a little and pressed a kiss right into the curve of my neck and shoulder.

“Then I'll be right there to tell them to fuck off.” I shook my head in disbelief. “Izzy loved color. She loved that we are artists, babe. Remember what she would say.” I paused for a moment, watching as Eren closed the buttons of my shirt.

“We add color to her life.” I shook my head at the stupid saying, but I knew it was true.

“Exactly.” There was a knock on the door and Armin poked his head in.

“Erwin wants to know if you want to grab coffee.” My stomach lurched at the thought of eating or drinking anything, but coffee didn't sound like a bad idea. It was going to be a long ass day after all.

“You know we are always up for coffee, Ar.” He gave a small laugh, before walking off. “See, we aren't the only ones.” He left the button at the very top loose, and pulled back to press a kiss to my forehead. I just gave him a confused look and he chuckled. “Armin's shirt. It's yellow.” I hadn't even noticed. Eren took my hand and led me back to the living room, where he helped me pack all the clothes back into the duffel. Mikasa and Hanji were sitting at the table in the kitchen, Mikasa was wearing a black dress with a grey sweater over it and Hanji...woah.

“You actually own a pants suit?” I asked in disbelief. She laughed quietly and nibbled on her granola bar.

“You guys ready to load up?” Erwin asked from the porch and I walked towards the door, pulling Eren behind me. Erwin was in a dark grey button up and jeans, nothing too special. We climbed into Erwin's car. It was a tight fit, but we made it work. I gave in and sat on Eren's lap in the back and Hanji and Mikasa squeezed in next to us. Armin sat up front next to Erwin.

We pulled into the Starbucks and took seats inside after placing our orders. Eren kissed my cheek and gave my thigh a pat as he grabbed our drinks from the bar.

“Thanks, Love.” He hummed his thanks and I looked at my tea. Iced ginger tea was supposed to help with upset stomach, right? I sipped it and looked at Eren who was blowing through the tiny hold in his cup like a mad man, trying to cool it. I couldn't help but roll my eyes and smirk.

“Eren, you know that doesn't work.” Mikasa said flatly.

“Yes it does!” She just shook her head and sipped on her own drink. I took a few more sips from my own drink and my stomach lurched, so I proceeded to stare at my cup and stir the ice around. We all sat quietly, trying to enjoy our drinks, before the day got too hectic. I was the only one really left with anything, and Eren urged me to take it along and finish it. I stuck it in the cup holder of Erwin's car and tried to forget about it.

We pulled into the funeral home and started to shut down. I knew this was hard for everyone, but I'd witnessed this situation twice. Lost two of my best friends twice. Failed them twice. I jumped from the vehicle and Eren took my hand.

We followed the group inside and Erwin was talking to the director, asking any questions that really needed to be asked. Another hour or so passed and I began pacing outside the room in question nervously. The director said we could go in already, but I wanted to stay out here for as long as possible.

“Levi.” My hands were trembling, fiddling with the hem of my shirt. “Levi.” I turned towards Eren, who was leaning up against a wall, worrying his lip. He held out his arms and I went to him, burying my face against his chest. “I've got you.”

“T-This isn't fair to you.” I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his middle. “Y-You need support too. You-”

“Captain.” He said it quietly, but it calmed me for a moment. “Anyone would be a mess after the dreams you've had lately. The memories.” I froze. Fucking froze in his arms and felt the tears start dripping down my cheeks. “You've lost them twice, Levi. You knew them long before I did.” I choked out a sob and tried to turn my face away from his shirt. I was making a mess of it already. He pulled a tissue from his pocket and wiped at m eyes and nose, before guiding my head back into place.

Not only were the memories of this life crashing into me, but the memories of the past as well. Lizzy and that fucking bird. We were like a family back them. Living together, training together.

“It's my fault...” I whispered it to him and he shook his head.

“It's not. Things happen beyond our control. We just have to learn to except it and move on.” I rubbed at my eyes. Eren had come a long way. He was growing as a person, while I felt like I was shrinking back into old habits.

“Disgusting.” I heard someone mutter it behind my back and I looked up at Eren with tears in my eyes. His were filled with shock, but only for a moment, until that fire consumed him.

“Excuse me?” I gripped his hand tightly, trying to anchor myself in this situation. A woman and man, both in their late 50's were looking at us in disgust.

“You are disgracing the memory of our nephew with your misplaced...values.” She motioned towards us as a couple and Eren gripped my hand tight.

“We are disgusting? Oh please.” He shook his head and pointed back at the woman. What's disgusting is putting down others for your own benefit. Not to mention, picking fights at your own nephew's funeral. When's the last time you ever saw Farlan?” Eren took another step forward. “No, let me guess. It's been years, right?” They looked appalled, faces blushing in embarrassment. “We were Farlan's friends. Some of his best friends and I'll be damned if his daughter ever gets to see you jerks again.”

“What are you saying?” She put her hands on her hips and arched a brow.

“Lilly is our godchild and I refuse to let her keep the company of such unaccepting filth.” Eren tugged me forward and away from them, not even giving me a chance to respond. He pulled me into the room filled with weeping people. Friends and strangers alike, crying over the loss of such brilliant souls. The caskets were closed. No doubt the trauma from the crash had been bad. Eren pulled me to the second row, behind the parents. I searched the room and didn't see Lilly. Would she even remember such an even later on? The tears hadn't stopped and buried his face in his own hands. He was crying now, frustrated from the assholes he just dealt with, but the grief was also hitting him. I turned him a bit, guiding his face to my shoulder. He wept quietly, holding onto my hand for comfort. I buried my own face in his chocolate curls, unable to listen to the words being spoken or look at the images flashing on the screens above us.

I felt a kiss being pressed to my forehead and looked up to see a red-eyed Hanji sharing a knowing smile with me. My heart broke open again, just from the shattered look in her eyes. I couldn't do this. I can't. I- My chest constricted. Once, Twice, then nothing. I was gasping, panic flooding through my body. People were staring. I know they were. It made me tighten even more. Couldn't breathe, couldn't think.

“E-Er-” Eren looked up at me, at my trembling lips gasping for air.

“Levi. Breathe.” He whispered it to me, but I couldn't even register his words. Failure. I was a failure. I couldn't even breathe right. People were staring. Looking. Always looking. Judging. Looking for every mistake I was bound to make.

I tried to breathe, but only let out another gasp. Eren pulled me up and nearly carried me out of the room with Hanji's help. We'd only been in there for half an hour or so. I was such a fuckup, such a-

“Babe. Come on. Breathe for me.” I let out another gasp, my chest so tight, I could nearly feel the blood slowing in my veins. “Levi!” I had a death grip on his hand, and he all but picked me up and rushed me into the bathroom, Hanji following close behind. He wet a paper towel and started wiping my pale face.

“S-Sorry. I'm Sorry. So sorry.” I was crying, trying to draw in one little breath, but I couldn't manage.

“Levi, listen to me. Remember our counseling. The grounding techniques. He turned me a bit to face the sink and let me lean back on him. Hanji kept wiping my face as he fiddled with the tap. He shoved my hands under the water and I shivered. “Describe it.” I tried to focus on the water, on the cold bite it had.

“W-Wet.” He nodded and kept rubbing my arm. “Cold. Really cold.” I felt the water running over my fingertips. He poured some soap over my hands and I started washing them. “Sm-smells like honey.”

“Doing great, love. Take a breath.” I took a trembling breath and fixed my attention back on the water.

“Bubbles.” I rinsed the suds off my hands and he dried them with a paper towel. “R-rough. Cheap towels.” He nodded with a small smile and I took another breath. “Paper-y?”

“Is paper-y a word?” Hanji asked with a tiny smile as she continued to wipe my face.

“Why not?” Eren shrugged and pressed my fingertips against the light counter.

“Ugh...stone. Marble.” I looked at the beautiful stone and took another breath. It was passing. Eren had brought me back. Had put the techniques our therapist had taught us to work. I touched the sink. “Cold. Ceramic.” I was breathing steady now and I turned back around, burying my face back in my love's chest.

“You did great.” I felt like shit. Completely drained. “We don't have to go back, Levi.” I shook my head. Eren needed closure too. It wasn't fair to him.

“W-We can go for a bit longer.” He gave me an understanding smile and we all left the bathroom, getting a few odd looks from some people. That's when I heard it. A baby crying. My eyes locked on the sweet little red head and I ran forward. The grandparent's maid had her. She was trying to soothe her by rocking her to no avail.

“Mr. Ackerman?” I nodded and reach for Lilly. Instinct was taking over. I had to comfort my little girl. I took the small bundle into my arms and rocked her a bit.

“Shhhh. It's alright, Sweet.” I felt Eren's hand rest on my back and I couldn't help the fresh tears sliding down my cheeks. She was so precious, so tiny, so perfect. Even if she was red faced from crying.

“La, la, la...” Eren was quietly humming to her, trying to soothe her. Her face softened almost immediately and I kissed the top of her forehead.

“Mr. Ackerman.” We both turned to look at Isabel's grandparents. The looked like they were about to leave. “Do you want to take her today? We'd like to leave early for our trip, if possible.” I froze. I didn't even know how to respond. I looked to Eren for an answer and he frowned a bit.

“Of course we will.” The maid handed Eren the diaper bag and Eren slung it over his shoulder.

“I'll go get the car seat.” Hanji said with a pat to my shoulder. She followed the maid out to the car, leaving the five of us alone.

“I hope she calms down for you. It's almost like she's been crying non-stop the last few days.” They walked off without another word, and I looked down at the warm bundle in my arms. I was responsible for this tiny little life. I felt my chest contricting again and I looked to Eren in a panic. My arms were starting to shake and I carefully handed Lilly over to him. He cradled her to his chest with one arm and wrapped the other around my waist.

“It's alright, let's go sit.” He whispered it calmly to me and we made our way over to a bench just outside the back door. Lilly started crying again, obviously sensing my fear. Eren sat me down, and took a seat right next to me, thighs pressed close. He adjusted baby Lilly in his arm a bit, before pulling my head down to his opposite shoulder. He rocked Lilly gently, before leaning over to kiss the top of my head.

“I'm so sorry. This isn't right. You shouldn't have to-”

“Shush.” He muttered it into my hair, before burying another kiss there. “Both of you, shush.” He said light heartedly. He started humming again, before beginning to sing softly, making a little attempt to rock us both.

 _Baby, baby yeah, are you listenin'?_  
Wondering, where you've been, all my life  
I just started living  
Oh, baby are you listenin' oh? 

I just gave up and let my tears drip down onto his shoulder, staining the colorful fabric. Lilly's cries were calming a bit, and I reach out to stroke her chubby little cheek.

 _When you say you love me_  
Know I love you more  
When you say you need me  
Know I need you more  
Boy I adore you,  
I adore you 

What did I do to deserve an amazing husband like Eren? He was my world and he was becoming an outstanding father almost immediately before my eyes.

 _Baby, can ya hear me?_  
When I'm crying out, for you,  
I'm scared oh, so scared,  
When you're near me  
I feel like I'm standing with an army  
Of men armed with weapons, hey oh 

Lilly reach up and wrapped her whole hand around my pointer finger. Eren smiled as she followed up by shoving my finger in her mouth. My eyes went wide and I went to pull away, but Eren chuckled.

“Levi.” I looked over at my beautiful brunette and he reach up with his free hand to wipe my tears away. “Babies shove everything into their mouths.”

“But, I haven't-”

“It's fine.” He calmed me and I just sat there and let her suck on my finger. I felt my tears drying up, being calmed by my husbands soothing voice and the soft little coos from our little girl.

 _When you say you love me_  
Know I love you more  
When you say you need me  
Know I need you more  
Boy I adore you,  
I adore you 

I reach for Lilly and took her into my arms again, cradling her against my chest. Eren pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

 _I love lying next to you_  
I could do this for eternity,  
You and me, were meant to be in holy matrimony  
God knew exactly what he was doing  
When he lead me to you 

Eren nuzzled my neck and I couldn't help but smile. Things were going to be okay. Sure, we were bound to make mistakes, but no one's perfect. We just had to try our best. We both heard the glass door open and Hanji sat down on the bench across from us.

“She's calmed down a little now?” I nodded quietly and Eren rested his chin on my shoulder, looking down at Lilly in my arms. “Well, I think I know why she's so upset. The maid said she's been feeding her formula these last few days. I mean there wasn't really any other choice.” I frowned and looked down at the now sleepy Lilly. She had tired herself out. “When they switch so suddenly, their poor little tummies get upset.” Hanji said with a frown.

“What are we going to do Hanji? We don't have anything for her.” I said softly.

“It's being taken care of.” I shook my head in confusion, and she gave me a small smile. “Just don't worry about it.” Suddenly, Lilly was crying again and I could clearly smell why.

“Oh no.” My eyes went wide and I looked to Eren in horror. He chuckled and gave my thigh a pat.

“Come on Daddy. Let's go learn how to change a diaper.” I chewed on my lip nervously as I followed Eren to the bathroom, being followed closely by Hanji.

“I thought there were supposed to be changing tables?” I looked around desperately for one, but Hanji shrugged.

“They are usually only in the women's.” I frowned and Hanji took a few paper towels out dried the counter. At least there was some extra room. She pulled a blanket from the diaper bag and laid it out. I laid Lilly down and unbuttoned her onesie. I watched as Hanji pulled off her diaper and tossed it in the trash, before digging through the bag. She handed me a wet wipe and I looked at the fussy little baby wiggling in front of me. “You won't break her Levi, just clean her up. Front to back.” I wiped her clean and tossed the wipe in the trash. Eren got the job of smoothing on some diaper cream, before I took over again with the fresh diaper. We packed up everything and I took Lilly into my arms again, before we carried her out to the car.

Erwin was already waiting for us. The car was packed tight, and Mikasa chose to ride in the back hatch. We secured Lilly into her car seat and within a minute or two, she was asleep. Maybe we could do this after all.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! To be honest I had a comment that really put me off writing this fic for a while, but I decided to give it another shot. Sorry it's short, hopefully the next chapter will be longer! 
> 
> Comments always help motivate me! :D

Lilly had been crying non-stop for the last hour and no amount of rocking or singing could soothe her. Kenny and Eren were in the kitchen, trying to make her a bottle.

 

“Shhh....Dinner will be ready soon.” I whispered to her, rocking her a little. I felt broken, shattered, completely out of place. The funeral had been hard, and though Hanji and the others didn't want to leave us, we decided it would be best for Lilly to be away from most of the commotion. The two returned with a triumphant look on their faces.

 

“We melted one bottle, before we figured it out, but we've got it.” Eren said with a smile. He said next to me on the couch and held his arms out. I handed Lilly over and he held the bottle to her lips, which she accepted greedily. “There we go.” Eren said with a yawn. I leaned my head on his shoulder with a tired sigh. There were boxes everywhere, filled with most of Lilly's things. Kenny had been working on moving things around the old house, though the stairs had been a challenge. I stood up as he started to carry another box upstairs.

 

“Levi, just rest a little. You've had a hard day.” I felt my lip quiver and I couldn't help but nod. I felt like I could have another break down at any moment. Kenny gave me a small smile, before heading up stairs. I sat back down next to Eren and hid my face in my hands.

 

“I just want her to be able to sleep in her crib tonight.” I said sadly. “I know she's got to be exhausted. She hasn't even had a nap.”

 

“She slept on the car ride over at least.” Eren said as he offered me a smile. “Kenny's right though. You're worn out. Let us take care of it, babe.” I gave in with a nod. “Go ahead and sit in the chair.” I sat in the chair and in between boxes, Kenny threw a throw blanket over my lap. Eren handed off Lilly and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “She should finish her bottle soon. I'll go finish up the crib.” I nodded and pulled her close. I watched as Eren climbed the stairs and I looked down at the perfect little bundle in my arms. She was perfect. Vibrant green eyes and bright red hair, just like Izzy. Before I knew it, she had finished her bottle and she was falling asleep in my arms.

 

It wasn't long before Eren was walking downstairs, his hair pulled back into a ponytail.

  
“We got the basics done. Changing table and crib.” He whispered. He glanced at the clock and nodded. “It's about time for her to sleep anyway.” I nodded and stood up, following Eren up the stairs. She stirred a little, but not much. I placed her gently into the crib, before taking a step back to look at the progress. Kenny had turned the unused study into a nursery for Lilly. Our room was right across the hall, so we would be close. There were still boxes everywhere, but at least our little girl had a place to sleep tonight. We tiptoed out of the room, leaving the door cracked behind us.

 

“I know you've had a lot of pizza already this week, but I'm beat. Is that okay for dinner?” Kenny asked as he sat in the recliner, cell phone in hand.

 

“I could eat cardboard at this point if it tasted good enough.” Eren said with a chuckle. “Levi, come upstairs with me for a bit? I think a shower sounds amazing.” Eren said as he walked back towards the stairs.

 

“You two take your time. I'll listen for Lilly. She was out like a light, though.” Kenny said with a smile. I followed Eren upstairs to our room. It looked like a disaster zone also. It's not that it was a small room, its just that there was stuff everywhere. Old furniture, our suitcases and the twin size bed. “Hopefully we can get a bigger bed in a few days.” Eren said as he dug through his suitcase. “Not that I mind snuggling with you.” I couldn't help but smile.

 

“Forced snuggling isn't as nice, love. It's fine until someone ends up falling off the bed or with an elbow in their ribs.” He chuckled as he pulled clean clothes out.

 

“True, true. Want to shower together? Save water?” I felt my cheeks heat up and I fiddled with the zipper on my suitcase.

 

“But Kenny...” Eren grinned and wrapped his arms around my waist, clean clothes resting against my back.

 

“Knows we are married.” I worried at my lip for a moment and looked towards the door.

 

“Lilly-” Eren raised his eyebrow up and gave me that look.

 

“Uncle Kenny has it under control for half an hour, babe. It's fine.” I let out a breath and nodded, before gathering my own clothes. We walked down the hall to our bathroom and shut the door behind us. At least the house had two bathrooms. We both stripped quickly, tossing our clothes into a pile on the floor. Eren started up the shower and pulled me into his arms.

 

“Mhmm...as beautiful as ever.” Eren pressed a kiss to my neck, before pulling away with a grin. I reach up and pulled the tie free from his hair and placed it on the sink. I hugged Eren close for a moment, letting my cheek rest against his chest. “Everything will turn out fine, Levi.” I bit at my lip for a moment. So Eren could read my mind now? I looked up into those vibrant teal eyes and Eren smiled. How could he smile so much, after everything that has happened? After the loss. The grief?

 

“You practically led a whole army, Levi.” Eren said firmly. “And you managed to handle the attitude of a teenage brat like me back then as well, while trying to avoid getting eaten by titans on a daily basis. We've got this. A baby is a piece of cake compared to that.” I couldn't help but laugh as he hugged me tight. “And when it get's tough, just think of our little family. That's what's been getting me by.” His expression turned soft and he buried a kiss in my hair. “I love you more than words can describe, Levi. And Lilly's the same way. She's our little girl and we have a new reason to keep pushing forward. We can do this.” I felt my eyes sting with tears, but they refused to fall. My eyes were tired from crying. Tired from the sorrow, the sadness. I nodded and Eren tugged me into the shower. The hot water felt great against my back and Eren's arms around me felt even better.

 

This shower had nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with reassurance and care. Eren was holding my close, pressing soft kisses against my face and neck.

 

“What if I have a panic attack while I'm watching her?” I said sadly.

 

“I'll be right there to help. I'm not going anywhere, Levi.” I nodded and fell silent, Eren working carefully as he washed my hair. We showered slowly, taking our time to let the water soothe us and wash the horrible day away.

 

By the time we were dried and dressed, the pizza had arrived. Lilly was still snoozing quietly in her room and I cuddled up with my husband on the couch under a big blanket as we ate from the box. Kenny looked exhausted as well. We could all use some sleep.

“So what's the plan? Want to try and finish up the nursery tomorrow?” Eren nodded, before swallowing a mouthful of cheese pizza.

 

“Yeah. Hopefully we can get it finished. Will you be alright watching Lilly for the day? I'll help of course.” I nodded as I munched on my own slice.

 

“Sounds good.” Kenny said as he grabbed another slice of pizza. “Then we can work on your room some. I know there's a lot of junk in there. We need to make room for a decent bed for you two.” Eren nodded and stretched his legs out a bit, pulling me between his legs and wrapping an arm around my middle.

 

“I'll try to order a bed and mattress to get it delivered soon.” I said sleepily. We finished up our pizza quickly and soon after we were all headed to bed, more than ready to sleep. Eren had tiptoed into Lilly's room to set up the baby monitor and he shut both doors, placing the monitor on my old dresser.

 

I sat on the edge of the bed, hands nervously playing with the hem of my (Eren's) t-shirt. Eren climbed into bed and pulled me into his arms, before pulling the covers up over us.

 

“What's on your mind, Captain.” Hearing that name brought back so many memories, but I couldn't help but love it.

 

“What about Japan? Our house? Your schooling?” Eren fell silent for a moment as if in deep thought.

 

“Truthfully?” I nodded, though I wasn't sure he could see that in the slivers of moonlight that were creeping in through the curtains. “Truthfully, I love our home and I love Japan, but our family is here Levi. Kenny and the others. I can always switch to Trost University.”

 

“You really want to be in classes with crazy four eyes?” I said with a smile.

 

“Marco goes there too! It'll be fine, Levi. There's lots of memories in that school.” I nodded and tucked my head against his chest. Eren moved a bit to rest his chin right on top of my head.

 

“As for my work, I can always work remotely. It's not a big deal.” Eren nodded against me. “We can either sell the house or keep it as a vacation home I guess.”

 

“Why don't we just sell it? We've got the house in Paris.” I nodded and sighed against Eren. “We'll have to plan a trip in a few weeks to go and pack everything up. Ship our stuff back.”

 

“We've got plenty of available baby sitters.” Eren said with a smile. “Now that that's settled...” Eren pulled back a bit and pressed a soft kiss to my lips, which quickly deepened, though it didn't last long. We were both too exhausted to even think about sex. “Get some rest, babe.” I nodded and snuggled close, resting my head right against Eren's chest. “Sweet dreams.”

 

“Sweet dreams, Eren.”

 


End file.
